Manage Up or Get Managed Out 🎯🌊
Status: Declassified - File Archive 3 | Your Manager Can't Read Your Mind (And Shouldn't Have To)
We’re back with another file from the archives.
I’ve been sitting with Camille Fournier’s The Manager’s Path again. This time, a section most people skip: “How to Be Managed.”
Not how to manage. How to be managed.
Most engineers hear that and think, “That’s not my job.” And that’s exactly why they stay stuck.
•••
📌 The Dot: The Emperor Has No Clothes
Camille doesn’t sugarcoat it:
“Part of being a good manager is figuring out how to be managed… Developing a sense of ownership and authority for your own experiences at work, and not relying on your manager to set the entire tone for your relationship, is an important step in owning your career.”
And then:
“Your manager cannot read your mind.”
Your career is YOUR operation. Your manager is an asset, not your handler!
The Field Reality:
Let me take you back to October 2004.
I was green. India was conservative. You didn’t challenge your boss. You didn’t debate. You kept your head down and waited for instructions.
Then I met Sam Prasad.
Sam didn’t just allow feedback. He demanded it.
He used to say: “It’s my responsibility to correct you when you’re wrong. But who corrects ME when I’M wrong?”
That question broke my brain. 🤯
He explained it like this:
⚡ A CEO has a bird’s eye view — he sees what a player misses on the field
⚡ But sometimes he misses what the player and captain see from ground level
⚡ Both views are incomplete alone
If you’ve read No Rules Rules, you know the concept: “Tell the Emperor When He Has No Clothes.”
Sam was practicing that in 2004. Before Netflix wrote it down. Before it was trendy.
The Twist:
He didn’t just ask for feedback. He made it safe to give it.
When you criticized him, he responded with gratitude. Not defensiveness. Not “noted.” Genuine gratitude. He gave us what behavioral scientists call “belonging cues” — proof that speaking up wouldn’t get us burned.
The time I spent with him — October 2004 to October 2010 — was my MBA. The best MBA this galaxy could offer.
I carried that forward. I never hesitate to take things up with my bosses if it delivers value to the team and the company. Like a Football Coach fighting with club management for what the team needs. 🛡️
That’s not insubordination. That’s managing up.
📌 The Dot: Solutions, Not Just Problems
Camille says:
“Especially as you become more senior, remember that your manager expects you to bring solutions, not problems. Try not to make every 1–1 about how you need something, how something is wrong, or how you want something more.”
Solid advice. But here’s where Sam turned it into steel.
The Field Reality:
If I disagreed with Sam’s direction, I’d tell him why I didn’t like it. He’d listen. Then he’d ask:
“Do you have a better way?”
If I didn’t? He’d say: “Then do what I told you.”
Harsh? Maybe. But here’s the rule:
🚫 What (the problem) + Why (you disagree) = Not enough
✅ What + Why + How (your better approach) = Now we talk
Your right to challenge is earned by having a better path.
I use the same rule with my team today. Don’t just bring problems. Don’t just tell me why you’re unhappy. Tell me how to do it better than what I proposed. Then I’ll debate all day. ⚡
The Twist:
Most people don’t bring the “How” because they’re scared.
💀 Scared of the wrong call
💀 Scared of ownership if it fails
💀 Scared of blame
My answer? Take the shot. Miss. Recalibrate.
A wrong decision you can pivot from beats no decision at all.
I’m a patient guy — but my patience is driven by impatience.
You get space to find your How. But the clock is ticking. When the portal opens and aliens start pouring through, debate time is over. Fall in line. Execute.
📌 The Dot: You Are Responsible for Yourself
Camille is blunt:
“Knowing yourself is step one. Step two is going after what you want. Bring agendas to your 1–1s when you have things you need to talk about. When you want to work on projects, ask. Advocate for yourself.”
This is where most people fail. They wait.
The Field Reality:
At Kissflow, we run 1:1s using what we call Zephyr (yes, it sounds like a SHIELD jet — on purpose).
The agenda isn’t mine. It’s theirs.
🎯 Open field
🎯 Bring 5 talking points
🎯 Personal, professional, no holds barred
🎯 You drive
And you know what happens sometimes? Someone shows up and says:
“I’ve got nothing to discuss. Can we skip this one?”
That’s the trap. 👀
People think managing up means “raise issues when they exist.” But the real game is staying connected even when nothing’s on fire.
The ones who say “I’ve got nothing” are treating Zephyr like a complaint box. When it’s empty, they think the job is done.
The Twist:
The ones who own it? They bring:
🔥 Career questions — “What should I learn next?”
🔥 Feedback for ME — “That meeting didn’t land well”
🔥 Half-formed ideas — “I’ve been thinking…”
🔥 Personal context — “Here’s what’s going on in my life”
I don’t let anyone off the hook. You show up, you bring something to the table.
Because here’s the truth: If you’re not driving the conversation with your manager, someone else is driving your career.
And it’s not you.
📌 The Dot: When You Want Something, Ask
Camille doesn’t hedge:
“When you want a raise, ask for it. When you want a promotion, find out what you need to do to get it… You will not get everything you ask for, and asking is not usually a fun or comfortable experience. However, it’s the fastest way forward.”
She’s right. Ask. But understand the order.
The Field Reality:
Sam Prasad had a rule:
“Focus on career growth. Financial growth will follow. It can get delayed, but it won’t get denied.”
He said the reverse doesn’t work. Chase money first, and your career stagnates. It’s a one-way street.
I’ve seen this play out:
✅ The people who ask “What do I need to learn? Where should I grow?” — they end up ahead
🚫 The people who only ask “When’s my raise?” — they stall
The Twist:
Does that mean you shouldn’t ask for money? No.
I prompt my team during appraisals: Give me three options for what you’re expecting. I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll do my best.
🎯 Promotions? Sometimes I surprise them — I see readiness before they do. Sometimes they ask and I say, “Not yet, but here’s the map.”
🎯 Projects? Negotiation. Win some, lose some. Sometimes we agree to disagree and park it for future debates.
The point isn’t getting a “yes.” The point is having the conversation.
The people who never ask? They never get the map. They stay lost.
📌 The Dot: From Passenger to Pilot
Camille describes the evolution:
“As you become more senior, remember that your manager expects you to bring solutions, not problems… Asking for advice on how she might approach the problem is always a good way to show respect and trust.”
This is the arc. From passenger to pilot.
From passenger to pilot. Own the flight.
The Field Reality:
Let me tell you about Noordeen M & Aravindhan T.
When they started, they’d come to me with What and Why. “Here’s the problem. Here’s why it’s hard.” Then wait for me to solve it.
🚗 Stage 1: Passenger mode.
I kept pushing: “Give me the How.”
Slowly, they started bringing options. Not perfect ones. But options. We’d debate, negotiate, sometimes agree to disagree.
🛫 Stage 2: Co-pilot mode.
Then something shifted.
When our Technical Project Manager Ram left, they stepped up to fill the vacuum. When I got stretched thin taking over QA, they absorbed parts of my role without me asking.
✈️ Stage 3: Pilot mode.
The Twist:
They don’t just manage up anymore. They anticipate. They take things off my plate before I realize I’m overloaded.
And here’s the kicker: They use our feedback systems to make ME better.
👀 They told me I was talking too much
👀 They told me I was meeting too often
👀 They told me I wasn’t being specific enough
I listened. I changed.
Remember in Avengers when Stark tells Fury the Tesseract play was dangerous and Fury has to reckon with it? That moment when the team challenges the man who assembled them?
That’s what managing up looks like when it’s working. The people you lead make you sharper. That’s not insubordination. That’s trust. That’s Avengers-level evolution. 🛡️
🎯 The Debrief: Take It Off Their Plate
Here’s what managing up really means:
Become someone your boss doesn’t have to manage.
⚡ Make decisions
⚡ Update where needed
⚡ Own your failures
⚡ Face the consequences
⚡ Prove — through actions, not words — that you’ve got this
“I got this” isn’t arrogance. It’s liberation for your boss. They can focus elsewhere because you’ve removed yourself as a problem.
That’s what Sam taught me. That’s what I practice today. That’s what Noordeen and Aravindhan are learning to do.
And me? I’m still rusty. Still learning from my bosses Dinesh Varadharajan & Suresh Sambandam every day. Still hitting my head against how they think, how they see things I miss, how they push me when I should’ve pushed myself.
The learning never stops. The managing up never stops.
🌊 Your manager can’t read your mind
🌊 Your manager is your co-pilot, not your pilot. The flight is still yours!
🌊 Your manager can’t swim for you
But if you step up? If you bring the How? If you take it off their plate?
They’ll be waiting on the shore when you make it home.
Manage up or get managed out.
Class dismissed. ⚡✊
