Civil Wars, Rough Seas & No Safety Nets: How We Build Avengers 💥🌊
Status: Declassified - File Archive 2 | No Rescue Boats. No Compliment Sandwiches. No Safety Nets.
We’re back with another file from the archives.
I’ve been reading The Manager’s Path by Camille Fournier. It’s solid intel. It lays out the theory of what a manager should do: Mentor, guide, protect, and serve.
But theory is different when bullets are flying. 🛡️
I’ve spent years in the trenches (and the dressing rooms) of Engineering Leadership. Here is how I connect the dots between Camille’s definitions and the scars I’ve earned on the field.
📌 The Dot: The Pulse Check (1:1s)
Camille says:
“One-on-one meetings (1–1s) with your direct manager are an essential feature of a good working relationship… 1–1s serve two purposes. First, they create human connection between you and your manager. That doesn’t mean you spend the whole time talking about your hobbies… But letting your manager into your life a little bit is important, because when there are stressful things happening… it will be much easier to ask your manager for time off or tell him what you need if he has context on you as a person.”
The Field Reality:
Most managers treat 1:1s like an interrogation. “What’s the status? When is it shipping?” 🕵️♂️
I don’t do that. I follow the Bill Campbell Framework (The Trillion Dollar Coach). The agenda isn’t mine — it’s yours.
At Kissflow, we run two protocols based on experience level (We call them Zephyr — and yes, that sounds like a SHIELD jet):
For the Rookies (Zephyr 2.0): Open field. List 5 talking points. Anything goes. Personal, professional, no holds barred.
For the Veterans (Zephyr 3.0): Targeted strikes. We focus on specific quadrants: Performance, Peer Relationships, Leadership and Innovation.
The Twist:
I used to think I was the one evaluating them. But then the team started using these sessions to criticize me.
And you know what? I loved it.
It proved we are actively practicing Radical Candor. We haven’t mastered it — we have miles to go — but the signal is clear. They feel safe enough to call out the boss. That’s not insubordination; that’s trust. If Cap can tell Tony he’s wrong, your team should be able to tell you.
📌 The Dot: Damage Control (Feedback)
Camille says:
“Ideally, the feedback you get from your manager will be somewhat public if it’s praise, and private if it’s criticism*… **Good managers know that delivering feedback quickly is more valuable than waiting for a convenient time to say something.** Praising in public is considered to be a best practice…”*
The Field Reality:
I’m going to go rogue on the “private criticism” part. 💥
I view my role like a Soccer Coach.
When the match is on, and a player is out of position, does the coach wait for a private meeting next Tuesday to tell them?
No. The coach yells from the sideline. “Move left! Pass the ball!”
Sometimes the audience hears it. Sometimes the team hears it.
It’s not about shaming; it’s about winning.
I practice “Care Personally, Challenge Professionally.”
If I didn’t care about you, I’d let you fail in silence.
Because I care, I call it out in real-time.
Does it sting? Sure. But great players (and great engineers) know that the scoreboard judges us all day long. They use the feedback to sharpen their game. We don’t have time for a “Compliment Sandwich” when the aliens are coming out of the portal. 👽
📌 The Dot: The “Why” (Purpose & Growth)
Camille says:
“It’s great when managers can identify and assign stretch projects that will help us grow and learn new things*…. **Your manager should be the person who shows you the larger picture of how your work fits into the team’s goals**, and helps you feel a sense of purpose in the day-to-day work.”*
The Field Reality:
I owe my career to my mentor, Sam Prasad. I lost him in 2010, but his code still runs in my head.
Years ago, I asked him why he wasn’t deploying me to my strengths. I wanted the easy wins.
He told me: “I see strengths in you that you don’t see yet.”
Then he told me he was going to drop me in the middle of a rough sea and wait for me on the shore. 🌊
I asked, “What if I drown?”
He smiled and said, “I’ll know. And I’ll help if it is really required. But if you know the rescue boat is coming, you won’t swim hard enough.”
I took that lesson and made it the standard operating procedure for the entire Team DevOps & SRE.
I’ve deployed SREs to fight fires before they even knew how to hold the hose. And now, the culture has taken root. My Tech Leads, Noordeen and Aravindhan, are doing the exact same thing.
They assign critical missions — MongoDB version updates, Kubernetes upgrades — to interns who are still figuring out what a database is.
It sounds reckless. It isn’t.
That’s how you build Avengers. You don’t build them in a classroom. You build them by dropping them in the rough sea — maintenance, documentation, tough bugs — and watching them realize they can swim. 🏊♂️
99% of the time? They step up. They survive. And they become stronger than the ones who stayed on the boat.
📌 The Dot: Civil War (Conflict Resolution)
Camille says:
“If you’re struggling with a teammate… your manager should be there to help you navigate that situation, and she can work with the other person or team as necessary to help you get to resolution… If you’re unhappy with a teammate, your manager may not do anything unless you bring the issue to her attention.”
The Field Reality:
Engineers have egos. Sometimes a Pull Request turns into Captain America: Civil War. 🛡️ vs 🤖
Do I step in and separate them?
No. I let them fight.
But I make them fight by the rules. We use the Netflix 4A Feedback Framework:
Aim to Assist (Don’t just be mean)
Actionable (Give a solution)
Appreciate (This is crucial)
Accept or Discard (The receiver has the final say)
Why “Appreciate”?
It isn’t just politeness. It is an enforced reaction to calm the nerves. When someone critiques you, the first reaction is always denial. As the saying goes, “The brain agrees, but the heart disagrees.” We force the appreciation step to quiet the ego so the logic can land.
We also run “Lean Coffee” sessions. Think of it like a Targeted AMA.
It can feel like ganging up — one person in the hot seat, with the team weighing in. But we stick to the code: Criticize the ACTION, not the PERSON.
It demonstrates that we care enough to challenge you professionally. It’s intense. It’s loud. But it clears the air.
We don’t need everyone to agree. We just need everyone to respect the mission.
🎯 The Debrief
Leadership isn’t about being the nice guy in the chair.
It’s about being the coach on the sideline, the mentor on the shore, and the referee in the ring.
It’s about creating the environment where:
Feedback is fast.
The sea is rough.
But the team always swims home.
That’s Management 101.
Class dismissed. ⚡✊
